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Let me tell you a story. I had a date with this girl all lined up. I went to her place to pick her up. I knocked on her door a few times but she never came to the door. I tried my luck and turned the doorknob. Her door was unlocked! But what do I find inside? This girl was riding some other bastard’s cock right there on the living room couch. I wanted to be angry but it was just going to be a first date anyway. So I just pulled out my cock and started jerking off right there. After I finished, I left and went to McDonalds. The woman behind the register asked what I wanted. I ordered a 20 piece McNugget meal. It was delicious.

And that, my children, is how I met your mother.

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Once my girlfriend broke up with me because I tried to fuck her mom. Well, to be clear, she tried to fuck me. And to clarify, yes, she was successful. I mean, it would have been fucking rude if I disrespected my elders. She had so much to teach me in bed and I am naturally a good student. Heck, we even played “bad student” and she put me in the corner naked. I’d say I’m sorry for cheating on my girl but… I’m not. I mean, me and her mom got married so I think it turned out for the best.

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A few years ago I was lucky enough to hook up with the widow across the street. She was a little older but that just turned me on even more. I liked being the young stud who got to remind her what a really good fuck was all about. She is all I think about when I jerk off now unless I’m watching those mature goddesses over at Mrs Siren.

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I’ve always been a party guy ever since college. I go hard, every weekend. Man oh man, I can’t even begin to count how many girls I’ve fucked in those dirty bathroom stalls. No regrets. Hashtag Yolo, bitches. And I don’t plan on slowing down anytime soon. Honestly, I hope I can keep it going well into my golden years.

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